She's Healed!

This post is about 5 days over due but I kind of wanted to wait until Tuesday to "Unwrap" it. We went to the hospital last week to have Ainsley's VCUG test for urinary reflux. The test was awful. She was in what looked like a torture device. It's a memory that I am choosing to forget so I'm not going into details about it.

The good news is that SHE IS HEALED! There were no expectations that she would be at this point. It's early for that. I was expecting that if she was going to grow out of this condition, it would be around 3 or 4. But as I stood there with her hooked up to this contraption, the doctor told me that he was seeing no signs of reflux. I was excited but guarded. We still had the appointment with the urologist.

We went to see the urologist later that afternoon. He confirmed what the other doctor was saying. She has outgrown her reflux. There will be no more tests and no more antibiotics. We are done.

Here is the face of one happy girl as we were waiting for the doctor. She is happy and she is healed. We are praising our Creator, our Savior, our Comfort.


What better way to celebrate a Tuesday then to celebrate healing. Go over to Emily's blog and read all the encouraging stories.

Glass Half Full?

A couple years ago I was having a hard time at my job. I wasn't happy. I couldn't tell you why, but I knew I wasn't happy. There were no blaring reasons to be unhappy. I just was. My boss gave me a book to read called The 8 Characteristics of an Awesome Adjuster. Sounds odd since I'm not an adjuster. I read it anyway. The message wasn't anything new, but reading it changed my life.

My problem was a bad attitude. I was thinking of everything with the negative consequences. Never did I look for the good in the situation. The book's main message was to look for the opportunity in every situation. I made myself a little cheat sheet as a reminder and put it on my desk. Every time I was tempted to be negative, I looked at it and remembered to look for the opportunity.

A couple years have passed and I really am a changed person. My attitude is different. I am more pleasant to be around. I love my job. I'm just happier.

I bring this up now because I am still anticipating Friday. I'm still nervous as can be about putting Ainsley through this invasive procedure. I'm still filled with anxiety about the results. But I am now looking for the positive in the situation. Here are a few things I have come up with:

- The test is fairly quick. It will be a rough 30 minutes, but then it is done.
- We get the results the same day. There is no long 2 week wait to drive me crazy.
- The treatment is so much easier now that it was when I was a kid.
- There is a high probability that she will outgrow it before she needs surgery.
- We have the best urologist for this condition. He is known in the field for his ground breaking work.
- We have the Great Physician and Great Comforter on our side.

So as I get ready for Friday, I want to encourage you to take a look at your life. Inspect your attitude. Are you looking at the glass half full or half empty? Consciously chose to be positive. It's a choice that's well worth it.

Dreaded Anticipation

It's that time of year again. No, not the Pumpkin Spice Latte time that my friends keep talking about. It's time to get Ainsley retested for urinary reflux. If you don't know what that is, check back to my post from last September.

Last year the question was had she received this condition from me. The answer was Yes which makes me feel awful. The question this year is has she grown out of it. I am praying for a Yes answer this time. I have no expectations of a Yes answer. I expect to be dealing with this for many years to come. I can only hope for a different answer.

Now that I have been through the test once as the parent, I know more of what to expect. They catheterize her and then fill her bladder up and take continuous x-rays as they wait for it to empty. They are trying to determine if her bladder empties down or whether it empties up as well. We want just down. The hard part last year was the actual catheterising. This year I think that will be hard but I think it will be worse trying to keep her still. She doesn't like to be still. She's 14 months old.

So here it is Tuesday and all I can think about is Friday afternoon. How do I get through these next couple days of dreaded anticipation? What can I bring with me to help Ainsley through the test? Will I get my Yes answer? I can only pray for peace and acceptance.

So on this Tuesday I am going to spend time enjoying my girl for the 14 month old that she is. I am going to revel in the moments that she gives me. I am going to try not to think about Friday because that's still days away. Today is Tuesday and it will be a great day.

Breaking the Silence

I have been quiet over the past few weeks. Partly out of respect for my last post. It seems insensitive to follow cancer with something light and frivolous. But I must go on. For those wondering, Libby has recovered from surgery and is doing great. We now just wait until something else happens, which could be next month or next year or 5 years. We really just don't know.

The other reason was because we have been just so darn busy. I know everyone says that. I know everyone is busy. I usually post on Fridays and once over the weekend. Well, Ainsley has dropped her morning nap which means less free time on Fridays. We also have traveled the past 2 weekends.

Two weeks ago we went down to Wrightsville Beach with Ryan's Dad, aka Grampy. We rode in the boat up the inter coastal, which was beautiful. We also anchored on an island and enjoyed the water and the sand. It was wonderful to spend a weekend just relaxing with him. We don't get to do that often enough.

Last weekend we flew up to NYC to witness my oldest friend, Kate, get married. What a wonderful wedding and start to a Christ-centered marriage. I couldn't have planned a more "Kate" wedding if I tried. Her dress was classy and elegant and she just was stunning. One of the benefits of being in NYC was that my parents were able to come down and spend the weekend with us and watch Ainsley while we went to the wedding. We went to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. It was a beautiful September day like I imagine 9/11/01 was. We were able to reflect on that a bit as we also went to Ground Zero. I still get choked up when I think about it.

So why didn't I post yesterday? Good question. We are getting ready for a multiple phase kitchen renovation. I will post more about that later but I had to do some cabinet clean out.

I'll leave you with this. After a fun day of playing yesterday, Ainsley was being really cute while we waited for Daddy to come home. Enjoy the video.

Cancer Sucks

I have been consumed by thoughts of cancer lately. It seems like it's everywhere. Every time I turn around, someone else has it. To name a few as of late:

• Taylor - my brother in law - Testicular Cancer
• Blu - my step father in law - CLL (a form of Leukemia)
• Joe - my sister's father in law - Prostate Cancer
• Ginger - a family friend - Brain Cancer - for the second time and a totally different kind

Ryan and I are big followers of the Tour de France. This year Lance Armstrong came back after a few years of retirement to place 3rd. The purpose of his comeback is to raise cancer awareness. Through following him on twitter, I found this website (www.fatcyclist.com). The writer's wife recently passed away from breast cancer at a very young age. I read the blog during the last few weeks of her life. It was heart-wrenching.

Now my precious dog Libby even has cancer. We found a skin cancer growth on her back and had it removed. We don't know any more of a diagnosis than that. We aren't going to treat it with anything more than the surgery she just had. We can only hope that we got it all for now. It will recur but the million dollar question is "When?" We are praying for years!

All that to say that cancer sucks and it's everywhere. If you aren't touched by it, you live in a hole. While others like Lance are fighting in public ways, I am fighting by going to my Heavenly Father on my knees. Join me in praying for the people on this list and let me know of the people in your lives that I should add to my prayer list.

Come and See

Yesterday I was talking about my Spiritual Desert. After Ryan read my blog he encouraged me by saying that we would spend some time together reading the Bible as well. He decided to read John starting at the first chapter.

As he was reading aloud, I heard one phrase repeated twice as Jesus was calling His disciples. Your guess would be that I heard "Follow Me". While I did hear that I also heard something else that I had never heard before. "Come and See". Once it was said by Jesus and once it was said by Phillip.

When we follow Jesus and "come and see" we are never disappointed. When Nathaneal came and saw what Phillip was telling him about, his life was changed forever. He came and was met by His Savior. When Nathaneal met Jesus, he asked a question. How do you know me? Jesus's answer was simple, I saw you. He knew him because He was watching him and just waiting for him.

So as I make my way out of the desert, I know I will not be disappointed. I know that I will see. I know that my life will be changed. I know that I am known and that He is watching and waiting for me. What a blessing.

John 1:46-51 (New King James Version)
46 And Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.”
47 Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward Him, and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom is no deceit!”
48 Nathanael said to Him, “How do You know me?”
Jesus answered and said to him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.”
49 Nathanael answered and said to Him, “Rabbi, You are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!”
50 Jesus answered and said to him, “Because I said to you, ‘I saw you under the fig tree,’ do you believe? You will see greater things than these.” 51 And He said to him, “Most assuredly, I say to you, hereafter[a] you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of Man.”

A Walk through the Desert

It's been a while since I posted. It's hard to post when you feel like everything you have to say would be negative. I have been dealing with a few minor things in my life that have brought me anxiety. I went to Jamaica for a quick 2 day stay for Taylor's wedding and Ainsley was sick. I have been dealing with many software changes at work that have not gone over well with users. I have been sick myself. I feel as if I am always disappointing my husband. I am battling with the last 8 pounds of pregnancy weight.

In the midst of all the minor negatives and all the anxiety, we are supposed to run to God. Why am I not doing that? Why do I insist on trying to do it all myself?

I have been going through a very dry spot in my spiritual walk right now. I cannot remember the last time I had my Bible open outside of a Sunday. I go to church with Ryan every Sunday and it's usually half way through the sermon that I think that I should talk to him about my general disregard for spiritual things. But I never say anything. I keep it to myself thinking, I can fix it this week. But the week passes and I find myself back in the pew thinking the same thing again. I think I have been in a time of denial. Denying my dependence on the One I should be dependent on. Living in my own independence. Living like a toddler who is always saying, I don't need help.

I need some quiet before the Lord. I am very thankful that tomorrow is Friday and I only have one thing on my schedule. My to do list is short. It contains one thing right now...spending time with my Creator and Savior.

Any words of encouragement?