Boy Crazy

When we found out I was pregnant with David, I asked Ryan if we could wait and be surprised on the sex of this baby.  We had found out that Ainsley was a girl when I was pregnant and I told him that I wanted to try it the other way. 

Secretly, I didn't want to know if it was a boy.  People would ask me if I cared if it was a boy or a girl, and I would give the standard answer of "Just as long as it's healthy, I don't care".  Honestly, I cared.  I wanted a girl so badly. 

I was actually petrified of a boy.  Not only did I not know anything about the anatomy (I'm still asking Ryan questions about "it" regularly!), but I was also scared of boy activity.  Boys are rambunctious. Boys are crazy.  Boys are wild.  Boys are everything my little girl is not.  And if I love my little girl and everything about her just the way that she is, how can I love just the opposite.

Everyone told me that I would love a boy just as much as I would love a girl, but I just couldn't picture it.  How was a boy ever going to fit into our lives?  So I convinced Ryan to wait and not find out the sex of the baby.  I didn't want to dwell on the fact that this baby could be a boy for months.  I knew I would stress and worry like crazy if I knew ahead of time.

With each passing day of the pregnancy, I was more and more convinced that this baby was a boy.  My pregnancies were just so different.  Hardly anything was the same.  And so I started to settle in to the fact that this was more than likely a boy.

Then came birth day.  When he was born, I was privileged enough to "catch" him.  When I turned him over in the water, there "it" was.  His boyness was staring back at me.  And I have to say that I panicked.  When Ainsley was born, they put her on my chest and it was instant love.  My little girl.  But when they put David on my chest, I was kind of in denial.  This boy, and a big boy at that, was my baby? 

While I went through all the post birth things, Ryan held David "skin to skin" on his chest.  He bonded and enjoyed every second of that time.  And there I was just staring at both of them.  Confused of my feelings.  Where was the instant love?

I'm not going to tell you that it was instant after I started breast feeding or after I held him for a bit.  I don't actually know when it happened. But I have fallen so deeply in love with this little boy. 

And I can't wait for the soccer games, the dirt, the trucks, the tree climbing, the legos, and more.  Let the invasion of blue begin!

He's definitely a sweet little boy.  And he's definitely mine to love.

What's in a Name?

I always thought it would be so fun to name children.  In reality I have found it just the opposite.  I find it to be an impossible task and with both my kids I have had periods of doubt after they were born and named.  Don't get me wrong, I love their names but they are so permanent that the fear of making a mistake just gets to me. 

With this baby, we did not know whether it was a boy or a girl and therefore had to pick out 2 names.  The girl's name was set from day 1.  The boys name wasn't set until we actually met him.  I had a feeling his name would be what it was but we just weren't sure. 

David's name does have quite a bit of significance though and so I wanted to share it with you.  It's not a hidden fact in my life that my father and I have not always gotten along.  There was a period of time when we actually didn't like each other at all.  I actually wouldn't even stay at his house when I came home from college. 

BUT God's grace is bigger than either of our sinful hearts.  God healed both of our hearts and today my dad is one of the most important people in my life.  He is a friend, an advisor, and a father.  I couldn't ask for anything more. 

And so when we thought about a first name, my dad's name came to mind quickly:  David.  It doesn't hurt that the name also has such strong biblical significance - "a man after God's own heart".

When it came to a middle name, the choice was obvious.  How could we not name our son after his father?  Ryan is such an amazing dad that it seems fitting to name his son after him.  He's my rock and the leader of this family.  And his name's meaning is pretty gtood too - "Little Prince".

So my prayer for you little David Ryan is that you live up to your name.  Those are some pretty big shoes to grow into but we have faith in the man you will become.  God has big plans for you and we trust in Him to fulfill them.  And I am just so happy that the 3 most important men in my life are forever linked by their names. 

And So Begins a New Chapter

With the birth of David, we decided that it was time to start Ainsley in preschool.  She has been under MaryBeth's care for 3 years now (minus a small break when she had Toby).  Unfortunately, MaryBeth won't be watching Ainsley and David.  She and her family have moved closer to her husband's family.  While it's a good decision for them, it makes us sad.

Seeing that Ainsley wasn't going to get the stimulation of 2 rambunctious boys anymore, we decided that preschool would be a good outlet for her 2 days a week.  We chose one based on proximity and we also happen to know the educational director.

Today was her first day.  And since my last post was so wordy, I think this one should just be about the pictures.

Dressed and Ready to Go!

Excited about her New Backpack she got for Christmas

Just before getting in the Car

Checking In

A little nervous with her hands in her hair

 At the end of the day we got a great report from her teachers.  She adjusted well and had a great time. She even got to meet a hedgehog!



He's Going to be a Swimmer

Welcome to the world David Ryan.  If you don't want to read the full birth story, I would suggest you skip this entry.  I won't get too graphic but I do have to post one picture that is worth 1000 words.

On Sunday January 8th, I went to bed and was starting to contract.  I was contracting pretty consistently at 6 minutes apart but they weren't gettting any stronger.  And then they stopped around 4 am.  I woke up in the morning and went to the bathroom.  My pants were a little wet and I figured I might be leaking a little fluid but since I was not contracting anymore, I let it go.  I went to work on January 9th and worked my full day until 2:30.  I came home and laid down on the couch and set Ainsley up with 2 Veggie Tales videos.  Everytime I got up I leaked a little more.  I knew at this point that my water was broken but I still wasn't contracting hard enough or consistent enough to be in active labor. 

I was super bummed.  This is exactly how my hell of a labor started with Ainsley and I knew the road.  It led to pitocin and an epidural and an epic long labor.  I was so disappointed.  I actually waited until 7:00 to call the midwives and they asked me to come in to check if indeed my water was broken. 

Ryan and I decided to send Ainsley and Tucker to Grandma's house and do a few things around the house.  We put 7 boxes together for our business and I took a shower.  The shower seemed to spur a few more contractions.  My doula, Mary, arrived around 9:00.  After evaluating the situation, we decided to take a walk around the neighborhood to see if we could get contractions moving.  It was a full moon and foggy outside.  It was so still and eerie.  I have to say that this walk changed my mood.  I was ready for whatever came my way.  We took a few minutes and prayed over what was to come.  What a gift to have a doula who loves the Lord like we do!

We left for the hospital around 10:30 and I finally got seen by the midwife at 11:30.  She quickly determined that yes indeed my water had broken.  But I was at 4 cm and so they were going to give me some time before putting me on pitocin.  She did strip my membranes though which apparently was the right thing to do at the right time.  I turned a corner and was in active labor.  We really wanted to have a water birth so I hurried Ryan into setting up the tub.

After an hour of contractions in labor and delivery my midwife, Virginia, checked me again and I was at 7.  I was beginning to shake and entering transition.  We moved positions and things got dramatically more intense.  My midwife asked if I wanted to be checked before getting in the tub.  I didn't.  I just said, let's get in there. 

For some reason I had it in my head that it was going to be much easier in the tub. Oops.  Not so much.  It was really hard but I knew there was no turning back.  There was going to be no epidural and this baby was going to be born in the water.

It was at this point that they wanted to get another heartrate check on the baby.  They used 4 different monitors and 3 different nurses and couldn't find it for 45 minutes.  While I just wanted them to go away and forget it, Ryan was freaking out.  I was in a bit of a different state of mind than he was.  Finally, 3 minutes before he was born, they found the heartrate and quickly got away.

And then the moment came when he entered the world.  He was born in the water and I grabbed him and flipped him over to realize he was a BOY!  You can actually see him under the water in this shot!

After 3 hours of active labor, baby David came into the world at 2:25am on January 10th, 2012.  He weighed 9lbs 2oz and was 20 inches long (which is a lot bigger than 7lb 10z Ainsley was).

I can't tell you how proud I am of myself for doing this naturally.  It was so hard but so worth it.  We are already so in love with this little boy.  I never pictured myself as a mother of a little boy but I must say that it is AWESOME!

Usually I'm an Inside Girl

I haven't written in forever.  I really wanted to sit on the last post and really let it sink in.  It was important to me.

But a new year has come and a lot is about to change at our house.  I didn't want to overlook a major thing that happened during the interim. 

I will be the first to admit, I'm an inside girl when it comes to my home.  We have spent time and money redoing our kitchen, buying furniture, and even making curtains.  These are all inside things.  And I love every one of them.  There isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful for the work we have put into our house to make it a home. 

The outside of our house is a different story.  My philosophy is that if it doesn't grow or produce food for us to eat, then why pay attention to it. 

My father in law and I have often talked about the front of our house needing a face lift.  I knew he was right but I never really looked into it further.  This year for Christmas, he surprised us and had our front yard totally re-landscaped.  I have to admit that I wasn't overly excited about it to start with.  But then it was done and I am dumbfounded by how much I really enjoy it every day.  And it's the dead of winter.  We haven't even seen the extent of the beauty yet.  To say that I'm looking forward to spring is an understatement. 

My words can't do it justice so just take a look...

Before  

(just look at those overgrown bushes!)

During

(they ripped every bush out.  They said the root systems were feet deep!)

After

There are so many little touches that these pictures don't do justice but take my word for it.  You would be amazed!



Even though I am an inside girl and would never have done this for myself, I am SOOOOOO thankful that my father in law was so generous to do it for us.  I never thought I would like it so much.  I guess there is always room for a little growth in one's life. 

Here I Raise My Ebenezer

It's Thanksgiving and a great time for reflection over the past year.  Most people reflect on their year at New Year's, but this year it only makes since to reflect on Thanksgiving.  It was 1 year ago today that we found out that we had lost our tiny baby in the womb. 

When I look back on the past year, it will be as a year of growth.  I have never grown more in a single year than this particular one.  What started on November 24, 2010 triggered a series of events that forced me to depend on God more than I ever have before, and not all of those events were bad. 

As a quick recap, here is what we have been through in the past year.

• We lost the baby
• My body took 5 1/2 months to recover from the miscarriage
• I got pregnant again the first month my body was back to normal
• The early stages of pregnancy were filled with anxiety
• We found out the baby I am now carrying may have Downs Syndrome
• Ryan's Grandmother had a stroke and passed away
• Ryan's family dog passed away
• Our dog Libby passed away
• We found out that Ainsley has a gross motor skill delay
• We found out that the baby I am carrying now more than likely doesn't have Down Syndrome
• The end of this pregnancy has been drastically more difficult than my pregnancy with Ainsley

And when I look at that list and see blessings and struggles, what I see more is God's grace.  Through each of those circumstances, God has taught me so much about His grace and His love for me.  He has used His Spirit, His People, and His Word to minister to me. 

I am calling this past year my Ebenezer year.  I am putting a stone on the ground in my memory of this year so that when I look back at my life, I can always remember God's goodness and mercy.

Then Samuel took a stone, and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and called the name of it Ebenezer, saying, Thus far has the LORD helped us. 1 Samuel 7:12

And seeing that it is Thanksgiving, my heart is overflowing with thankfulness.  Thankfulness for struggles.  Thankfulness for blessings.  And most of all, Thankfulness for a God that loves me. 

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love. 

Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood. 

O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love; here's my heart,
O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above. 

Celebrate the Harvest

Every year for the past 5 years I have thrown a Christmas Dessert party.  Seeing that I am pretty pregnant, I opted to move it to November and call it the Celebrate the Harvest Party.  It was kind of fun to put all the fall decorations together.  All the people that come to my house yearly, only see the Christmas decorations.  And while I love my nativities, I do love my house as it normally is.  It was nice for a change of pace.  Here are some pictures and recipes!

The Drink Table

We served Beer, Wine, Apple Cider, and Coffee.  That copper container was Ryan's Grandmothers and a perfect addition to the drink table this year

Just a Fun Fall Decoration

I saw this decoration idea on Pinterest.  Ainsley, Anne, and I went out to a local farm and picked up all the gourds and pumpkins.  Ainsley was responsible for the small gourds.  I actually didn't even look at them until we got home.  She did a great job picking them out.

The Dessert Table

I loved the "pumpkin" centerpiece.  Since the addition of the new red curtains, I didn't want to go overly orange.  I found a bunch of white and green pumpkins that looked so fabulous. 

Pecan Pie Bars

Think pecan pie but in smaller bites.  It was so gooey though that the cupcake liners were necessary. This recipe came out of the Better Homes and Gardens cookbook.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Brownies

I found this one on Pinterest.  Brownie on the bottom, Eggless Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough on the top, a splash of chocolate on top of that.  What's not to love. 

Here's the recipe for those that have asked.

http://www.recipegirl.com/2011/06/02/chocolate-chip-cookie-dough-brownies/

Chocolate Ginger Twists

These were an attempt to use some puff pastry dough that I had.  I wanted a different flavor and this one hit the spot.  The addition of Crystalized Ginger was pretty cool

Chocolate Chip Turtle Cheesecake

I would have to say this may be my signature dessert.  It has been at every party I have ever thrown.  It's amazing. 

Plain Cheesecake

Sounds boring but I think it's the best plain cheesecake I have ever had.  The recipe calls for a fruit topping but honestly you don't need it.  My stomach wasn't feeling great last night and this was the only dessert I actually ate.  Oh my heart is this good.  Thanks Ina Garten

Here's the recipe for this one:

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/raspberry-cheesecake-recipe/index.html

Pumpkin Cookies with Cinnamon Icing

These cookies are so yummy.  Fall in a cookie.  Mmmm, mmm, mmm.  I didn't cook them as long and made my icing a bit thicker.  Both improvements.

Here's the recipe:

http://fortheloveofcooking-recipes.blogspot.com/2011/10/pumpkin-cookies-with-cinnamon-icing.html

Baked Pumpkin Donut Holes

These were a surprise hit of the party.  I actually only had 3 left.  I must say that they are pretty good.  Again, thank you Pinterest.  The recipe said to make them as full sized muffins but the smaller size suited the party better.  I cooked them for 20 minutes and it was perfect.

Here's the recipe

http://fortheloveofcooking-recipes.blogspot.com/2011/10/baked-pumpkin-donut-muffins-and.html

Cappuccino Mousse Trifle

I love a good trifle.  Ever since that episode of Friends, it's an excuse to say that I did not put meat in the trifle.  It's really just layers of goodness.  I added a little Kaluha this year to the milk you pour over the pound cake and it worked really well.

Here's the recipe:

http://www.pamperedchef.com/our_products/recipesearch/recipedetail.jsp?recipeId=72878

And while I had a blast throwing this party, I am glad that it is over and I can concentrate on the last 8 or so weeks of pregnancy.  I have some sorting and washing to do.