Back to Reality

It's been a while since I blogged.  I'm not hitting my 5 blogs a month this month unless something very dramatic happens in the next 6 days. 

Since my last entry Ryan and I went to Mexico with his company.  It was a great time full of relaxation, guacamole, spa treatments, pretty dresses, blue lagoons (that's a drink that left my tongue blue for days if you were wondering), and good times with friends.

It started out a little rough when I dropped Ainsley off the night before we were supposed to leave at my faithful nanny, Mary Beth's house.  The drop went well and we were all packed by 10:00 ready to leave for the airport at 5:45 the next morning. 

I got the dreaded call at 10:20pm that night that Ainsley was sick and throwing up.  She had gotten the stomach bug.  I have to say that it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do - listen to my child cry for me over the phone, knowing that I couldn't go to her.  Mary Beth earned sainthood that night as Ainsley continued to be sick every 20 - 30 minutes until 4:00 am.  It was horrible.  But we knew it was a quick moving bug and she would be fine by the time we got to Mexico.  And she was. 

And we were able to really relax.  And it was amazing.  And my hair grew exponentially.  And I ate this soup that was half cream of spinach and half cream of tomato and stayed seperate but in the same bowl.  How cool.

We got back late on Sunday night to go to a full work week ahead.  I was catching up on my laundry when my dryer broke.  It's been on it's last leg for years and needed to be replaced desperately, but definitely not the week after vacation when the laundry back up was so high.  So I did what any sane person would do, I bought more laundry baskets...and a new dryer. 

It felt like we were finally catching up when Saturday night I came down with the same stinking stomach bug that Ainsley had a week and half earlier.  Kick my butt and knock me upside the head.  That stunk.  It was the worst I have been sick since who knows when.  Yikes.  The mommy guilt for leaving Ainsley hit a little harder too.  But I'm recovering.  And I have lost all the weight I gained in Mexico. 

And tomorrow looks like just a normal day.  Thank goodness for that.

Although I wish this was still the view out of my bedroom window.

Release

I've been listening to Christian radio in the mornings on my way to work.  Now that Ainsley is old enough to remember songs and understand what people are saying, I feel it's necessary to make sure that she hears wholesome truth.

Since New Years they have been talking about picking a word for the year, something that describes what you want your year to encompass.

So this year I am choosing the word RELEASE.

My whole life I have struggled with releasing my plans and trusting in God's plan.  This has become particularly apparent since the miscarriage.  I had this plan of what our family was supposed to look like.  I wanted 2 kids less than 3 years apart.  And when I got pregnant back in October I knew that God had signed on to my plan.  My children were going to be exactly 3 years apart.  Perfect.

Then we lost the baby.  And one of the hardest things for me has been letting go of the plan.  The ideal.  It's gone.  And with each day that passes, it gets further away from my plan.  And I have been thinking about it like that for 2 months now.

Then in Sunday school at church this week we were talking about idols.  And how we can take a healthy desire and move it into a demand.  And that is what I have done.  I've been mad that my plan is ruined.  And it has made me a bitter and inpatient woman.  I am much shorter with my husband and little girl.  I'm not happy.  I'm just not in a good place.  It's like a glorified temper tantrum because I didn't get what I want.

And so this morning they were talking about the words for the year again.  Prior to today I had no real thought of actually picking a word for myself.  And then God gave me one.  It was crystal clear.  And I can't get it out of my head.

RELEASE.

And so my prayer for the year is that He will grow me in a way that I can learn to release my desires to Him and that He can show me His desires for my life.  I want to think that with each day that passes I am further on His plan.  I can't wait to see how He uses this word in my life over the next year.

 Isaiah 55:8-9

 ⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

I Hate Rodents

You all know we have chickens.  I'm not a huge fan of animals that flap but these 3 have grown on me.

What you may not know is that I don't like small animals.  Ferrets, hampsters, guinea pigs, mice are all on my list.  I hate them.  Nasty. 

Today I was outside giving the dogs a bath and Ryan asked me to feed the chickens and check for eggs.  I opened up the door and I saw a fluffy rodent and screamed and ran like a little girl.

(Sorry it's in black and white.  I was working on portraits of Ainsley)

I asked Ryan to kill it but since it was only a "baby" he couldn't.  So he hit it with the hose.

It ran away too slowly if you ask me.

And climbed the fence.

And walked the fence for what felt like forever.

And then it went home to tell it's mother where to find fresh chicken meat.  I hope we don't regret the decision to spray it away later.  I know Amy Jo, Sadie May, and Peggy Sue hope so too.

Like a Fish

My mother in law has a pool in her backyard so we decided it would be a good idea to get Ainsley in swimming lessons this winter/spring to get her more comfortable with the water.  Ryan was on the swim team when he was 5 and loved swimming.  We wanted to pass that love of water on to her.

We have been going to the Y every Saturday with Ryan's coworker, Megan and her little boy Colton.  Ainsley loves it every Saturday.

Seeing that I just got my new camera on Thursday, I brought it to the class this morning and snapped over 200 pictures.  Yikes!  I won't bore you with that but how about 5?

Daddy getting her excited before class even starts

Megan and Colton

On the Kick Board

Daddy must have said something funny

Worn out in the car ride home

Walk the Road

It's been a rough week for me both personally and professionally. 

Yesterday about lunch time I was really thinking that I need a glass of wine.  Which got me to thinking, is that really what I am craving?  Am I craving something to just numb my heart? 

I don't think so.  I am craving Jesus.  I was on the phone with my mother and she told me to read my Jesus Calling for the day.  And it fit.  Like it usually does.  And I was reminded that I belong to Jesus.

And even though I did have a glass of wine last night, it wasn't there to fix my problem.  And I'm not fixed.  But at least I know who I am walking the road with.

Meet Me in Mexico

I am so proud of my husband.  He qualified for his company trip again this year.  If you remember, last year we went on a cruise.  It was so fun and I so enjoyed getting to spend time with his fabulous coworkers.  I have to say that Jody, Caroline, Mindy and I had a blast.  Oh the husbands did too but who is kidding who.  Girls know how to have fun and I loved hanging out with these women. 

This year we are going to Mexico.  I can't wait.  Last year we ended up on spring break (aka..SB O 10)  This year will be a much quieter trip on the beach.  And we have more people going this year too which should make it more fun.

And this year it's at an all inclusive spa and resort.  I'm not usually a spa kind of girl but after the year I've had, I'm ready for some pampering.

So I am prepping for my trip.  Last year I went on a diet.  And I was successful.  I had a plan and I lost the weight. 

And this year I just am not in the mood to lose weight.  I have some to lose.  But in light of the past few months, I'm going to offer myself some grace and skip the diet this year. 

So I'm prepping in a different way.  I told you that the trip is all inclusive.  So I'm in training of a different sort.  Having recently been pregnant, my wine tolerance is very low. 

Cheers!

Peace Out 2010. Bring it 2011

2010 is over.  It was a year of great ups and great downs.  As I look back it's been good to see God's faithfulness in both.  We are incredibly blessed to be able to praise the one who deserves it.

My favorite moments of the year came in both the happy and the sad.

My happiest moments of the year came with each step of my little girl into toddler hood.  It really isn't a specific moment but a culmination of moments.  There is nothing that gives me more joy in life than observing her grow; from watching her learn to use the potty, to sleeping in a big girl bed, to growing in her vocabulary.  She even learned some Bible verses this year.  Having this special little girl in my life has been a true gift and one that I am thankful to God for every day.

My other favorite moment came in my darkest hour.  God gave me a gift in the moment that I learned that our baby had left to be with Him.  As the ultrasound tech told me that the baby had passed away, my first thought was "You give and take away. My heart will choose to say...Lord blessed be Your name".  Obviously this thought was not my own.  It was a gift from the Holy Spirit.  And it is something I will treasure in my heart forever.

So as 2011 begins, there are a few things that I would like to do this year.  I'm not going to call them resolutions or goals but rather just a nice little list of things that I would like to do.

• Be there for someone who has suffered a miscarriage.  Unfortunately this happens way to often and I pray that God will open the door for me to serve someone else who has to go through this.
• Hang out with my girlfriends more
• Learn to put make up on from someone who really knows how.  Seriously I'm 33 years old and I don't know how to do it.
• Blog at least 5 times a month
• Let my husband know more often just how much I appreciate him

And with that...Good bye 2010.  Hello 2011.