Sunday, February 17, 2013

Fear or Free

It's amazing to me how Satan can use just about anything in our lives to completely wreck us.  And that is just what has happened to me this week.

I learned last Monday morning through a friend of mine that a famous mommy blog's youngest child died of SIDS.  I had never read her blog before.  I had never even heard of her before.  And yet her baby was a month older than David.  (And for your sake, I am not linking to that blog)

There were a few things about this that absolutely wrecked me emotionally for the week.

1.  I didn't know that a baby could die of SIDS past 6 months.
2.  The baby was essentially the same age as my baby and looked like my baby and was doing the things that my baby is doing
3.  I am leaving my baby overnight for the first time this week for not just one night, but 4.

I have spent the week gripped in fear.  I have checked on him at night.  I have been worried when his naps have stretched longer than usual.  I was actually looking through pictures on her blog from happier days just last night.  It has consumed my thoughts. 

Everyone keeps telling me to stop looking.  But I just couldn't.  I mean he looked like David.  And David could die.  Have I taken enough pictures?  Have I written enough about him?  Does he know just how much I love him?


In church today, our pastor preached on the Fall of Man.  I've recently studied this in BSF.  I thought I wouldn't get much out of it but I was excited to just be in church for the first time in 3 weeks.  As he preached, I could feel the presence of God come.  I'm not sure if that sermon was for anyone else but me.  I needed to hear it.

Essentially, I was being conned by the greatest con artist there is.  And I let it happen.  I let him start the conversation with me.  I let him change what I knew was truth.  David isn't mine.  He is His.  And I can't let this fear grip me. 

As he closed the sermon and the closing song was being sung, I felt the weight of the world lift from my shoulders.  I was no longer standing in the shadow of fear.  I was standing in the shadow of the cross.  Tears streaming down my face. 


There was another post from this mommy blogger this afternoon.  I read it.  But I was not wrecked by it. 

Thank you Lord for your love and conviction.
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