Tuesday, April 5, 2016

The Anti-Krumroy

My head has been all over the place the past few days.  I just finished throwing a baby shower for my brother in law and his wife for their baby girl who is due to arrive at the end of April.  On top of that, my very difficult breastfeeding relationship with Genevieve is coming to an end this week.  I'm going out of town without her and I'm already down to just one feeding a day.  My body is done and so are we. 

My baby girl is turning 1 in just about a month.  This is doing what all first birthdays do, making me look back at our first year.  The first year is full of so many milestones and decisions.  The first birthday party is so much more about the parents then the baby because it is such a year of growth for any parent, regardless if it is your first or your last.

When Genevieve first started needing formula, I was having a conversation with a friend and he jokingly told me that she was the "Anti-Krumroy" baby.  At the time this thought hurt my feelings because I was just so sad that it was true.  She was on formula.  She wasn't getting homemade baby food, she was in disposable diapers.  She was everything that I thought I was wrong with other people's parenting.

It's been 6 months since then.  And I no longer cringe when I give Genevieve a bottle of formula in public.  I no longer look around to see who is judging me for it.  I really think this is because I've stopped judging myself.  And when I stopped judging myself, I stopped judging others. 

There are other ways that this has come out in my parenting of her.  For example, just yesterday we were outside and instead of holding her or putting her in the swing so she wouldn't get dirty, I let her crawl around in the grass, the dirt, and the pine straw.  This was something I never would have let my other kids do.  What if they ate dirt?  Or got their clothes dirty?  Or? Or?

So have those decisions that I made that made Genevieve the "Anti-Krumroy" hurt her?  Most definitely not.  She's my first child to have any kind of separation anxiety when she leaves me, proving just how much she loves me.  When I leave the room, she seeks me out. She's growing and healthy.  And that smile.  Oh that smile.  She may just be the happiest baby I have ever seen.  "Anti-Krumroy"?  I don't think so.  She is the final piece of this Krumroy puzzle.

Every time you have a child you change.  Ainsley made me a first time mom and I changed into a brand new role.  David taught me what it meant to love a little boy.  And Genevieve, she taught me to let go.  Thanks kids.  I'm better because of you, all of you!

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