Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Dreaded Anticipation

It's that time of year again. No, not the Pumpkin Spice Latte time that my friends keep talking about. It's time to get Ainsley retested for urinary reflux. If you don't know what that is, check back to my post from last September.

Last year the question was had she received this condition from me. The answer was Yes which makes me feel awful. The question this year is has she grown out of it. I am praying for a Yes answer this time. I have no expectations of a Yes answer. I expect to be dealing with this for many years to come. I can only hope for a different answer.

Now that I have been through the test once as the parent, I know more of what to expect. They catheterize her and then fill her bladder up and take continuous x-rays as they wait for it to empty. They are trying to determine if her bladder empties down or whether it empties up as well. We want just down. The hard part last year was the actual catheterising. This year I think that will be hard but I think it will be worse trying to keep her still. She doesn't like to be still. She's 14 months old.

So here it is Tuesday and all I can think about is Friday afternoon. How do I get through these next couple days of dreaded anticipation? What can I bring with me to help Ainsley through the test? Will I get my Yes answer? I can only pray for peace and acceptance.

So on this Tuesday I am going to spend time enjoying my girl for the 14 month old that she is. I am going to revel in the moments that she gives me. I am going to try not to think about Friday because that's still days away. Today is Tuesday and it will be a great day.


  1. Oh Tracey, I will pray for you and your little one this week! I remember this from last year...Thank you for sharing it with us and for being a living reminder to embrace the moment we are in rather than waste it away worrying about the next one.

  2. Aw, this is so hard! I have a friend whose daughter had this same problem. Sounds like you have a good plan for your Tuesday. Enjoy your sweet girl today.

  3. Praying for you and sweet baby! The medical "stuff" they have to endure is so hard! But, in the end the results will help diagnose and treat her in the best possible way!!!

  4. i will be praying for your daughter... and for you! (after dealing with catheter issues a couple of weeks ago i can relate) i hope you can enjoy the week playing and hugging... and let friday's worries be for friday :)

  5. I will be praying for you little one....Just found your blog...Had a couple of hours to blog hop this afternoon...Enjoyed reading yours....Hope you will stop by my Christmas blog...There is a great giveaway drawing on Oct 1...http://grammyababychangeseverything.blogspot.com


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