Diploma

I have been cleaning out my office for weeks now.  At first I was doing it in secret.  I would slip a book or a picture frame into my bag daily on my way out trying not to get caught.  It was gradual so that no one would notice.  I managed to clean out all the things inside my drawers and left most of the things on the desk and on the walls before I even gave my notice.  My goal was to not have a box of office things to deal with once I was home.

My office is now empty with the exception of my space heater.  Today I brought home my diploma that hung on my office wall.  It seemed really symbolic to me to have the last thing I brought home be the very thing that symbolizes the start of my career. 

I worked really hard for that diploma.  And I worked even harder for the career that followed it.  And now it's over. 

I've never not had a job since the time I was able to start working.  Don't get me wrong, what is ahead of me is definitely a job.  It's just different.  And it both terrifies me and excites me all at once.

So I continue to transition.  To search for the new identity.  To flounder.  To feel lonely.  To feel excitement.  To just be confused.

And now I'm looking for somewhere in my house to hang my diploma so I can look at it and be reminded of this season that I have left behind.  Over my kitchen sink, my dresser, my sewing machine.  It just doesn't fit.  And that makes me cry just a little bit.