Harsh, Intimidating, Brutally Honest

Once again, I find myself in a situation today where I spoke before I thought.  My lack of thinking has caused someone else pain.  And now I am distraught over hurting someone I love deeply.

Unfortunately, this isn't my first time in this situation.  I am here too often.  I have been told by people that I am harsh, intimidating, brutally honest.  All of those things are horrible. 

And yet at the same time, I am incredibly sensitive.  It pains me so much when I hurt other people. 

I spent my entire teenage years like a wallflower, just trying to fit in.  When I went to college, I vowed to be more true to myself.  I told myself that I was just a strong personality and people could just deal with it.  And somehow that grew into this strong personality without a lot of sensitivity towards others.

And now that I am older, I find myself looking for a balance between wall flower and strength.  Somewhere there exists a place where I can be the strong woman that God created me to be and yet people in my path don't have to be hurt by that strength (or in this case, just a complete lack of thought and utter selfishness)

At the end of this day, after asking forgiveness from the one whom I have hurt, I can only come back to the cross and ask forgiveness from the One who paid for it all. 

Lord help me to be more like you.  Help me to love with my mouth, not hurt.  Help me to show mercy and grace instead of selfish sin.  - Amen