Thursday, August 6, 2009

A Walk through the Desert

It's been a while since I posted. It's hard to post when you feel like everything you have to say would be negative. I have been dealing with a few minor things in my life that have brought me anxiety. I went to Jamaica for a quick 2 day stay for Taylor's wedding and Ainsley was sick. I have been dealing with many software changes at work that have not gone over well with users. I have been sick myself. I feel as if I am always disappointing my husband. I am battling with the last 8 pounds of pregnancy weight.

In the midst of all the minor negatives and all the anxiety, we are supposed to run to God. Why am I not doing that? Why do I insist on trying to do it all myself?

I have been going through a very dry spot in my spiritual walk right now. I cannot remember the last time I had my Bible open outside of a Sunday. I go to church with Ryan every Sunday and it's usually half way through the sermon that I think that I should talk to him about my general disregard for spiritual things. But I never say anything. I keep it to myself thinking, I can fix it this week. But the week passes and I find myself back in the pew thinking the same thing again. I think I have been in a time of denial. Denying my dependence on the One I should be dependent on. Living in my own independence. Living like a toddler who is always saying, I don't need help.

I need some quiet before the Lord. I am very thankful that tomorrow is Friday and I only have one thing on my schedule. My to do list is short. It contains one thing right now...spending time with my Creator and Savior.

Any words of encouragement?


  1. Dear Tracey,
    I know where you are as most of us have been there before. I have a Jewish Proverb for you.

    "Whoever walks toward God one step, God runs toward him two."

    I love you.

  2. I've been in the same place recently... but I call it "the fog". When I'm not close to God, everything is blurry and I can't think straight.

    My advice is read Psalms 103:1-5 and think about how GOOD He is.

  3. Tracey:
    I'm glad you recognized your predicament. That's half the battle. As Jessica said you now have to turn toGod. He's always waiting for us to return. He'll guide you to the perfect Scripture if you ask. I'll be praying too.
    Love, Mom


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