Rules are Meant to be Broken

I have a rule.  Don't cry at work.  I put it in place when I started working.  It shows weakness.  I've never really broken the rule before.

Today I'm breaking it.  I can't seem to stop crying at work. 

My nanny Anne who has watched Ainsley with an exception of a 2 month window since I started back to work, informed me that she can no longer watch her.  (And I can't even type that without crying - Dang).  Her reasons are valid and I know that she's as disappointed as I am.  She loves Ainsley like a granddaughter.

When Anne started watching Ainsley I never imagined I would grow so close to her.  She's like another mother to me and she's also one of the best friends I've ever had.  It is just an added bonus that she would watch Ainsley twice a week. 

It's more than just childcare to me. It's a relationship that started with her taking care of my child and has turned into one of my most valued relationships. It's about mentoring. It's about laughter. It's about fun. It's about learning things. It's about venting. It's about sharing. It's about faith.  It's about unconditional love.


And now my heart is broken.  I know that she's still one of my best friends and nothing can change that.  But things change when routine changes. 

And so I'm crying at work.  And somehow I just don't care about weakness anymore.

A New Era Begins

My friends Jason and Leah recently became parents. Their baby, Logan, and Ainsley are exactly 4 months apart. Leah is going to start a new job on Monday. By luck, her schedule is opposite of mine. We are going to try our hands at nanny swapping. Leah is going to watch Ainsley on Wednesday and Thursday all day and I am going to watch Logan for a few brief hours everday starting at 3:00.

There are a few things that I am feeling about this new change.

Anne and Buddy will no longer be watching Ainsley on Wednesday and Thursday. MaryBeth will continue to watch her on Monday and Tuesday. While this is a good thing and it will save us a TON of money, I am going to miss Grandma Anne and Granddaddy Buddy's regular influence in Ainsley and my lives. They have been a great help to us as we have started parenthood. Anne has encouraged me and loved me where I need to be loved. More importantly, they have loved Ainsley. Ainsley also loves them. She lights up when she sees them, especially if Granddaddy Buddy whistles at her. I am going to continue going to their house once a month on Fridays to make sure we keep up the relationship. This is truly the sad part of this change.

As for the happy parts of the change, there are many. First, I get to further my relationship with Leah. I love Leah and don't know her well enough. Secondly, I will get to know Logan. He is precious and I am looking forward to his presence in our lives. I think that he and Ainsley will make great friends as they grow.

With every change in life, there is apprehension and joy and sadness, among other things. I can only look forward with great expectations on this new venture.

Ainsley checking out her new companion

Ainsley telling us what she thinks about her new companion. Leah and I are in for a treat.

TGIF

I am back in the world where Friday makes a difference. Through my maternity leave, I didn't ever know what day it was. Today it mattered. I made it through my first week of work.

I am very glad to be back at work. I forgot how much I enjoy programming. I know I'm a nerd but I am who I am. Being that I am only working part time, I do feel like I need to get a ton done while I am there. I have been very tied to my desk this week (minus my pumping sessions which I already hate). My brain is taking a bit to remember how I do what I do but its getting there. I guess by mid next week, I will be going a hundred miles an hour again in a hundred different directions.

As I picked up Ainsley today, I was again overwhelmed by how good my situation is. Anne has been great this week. She took over for MaryBeth so wonderfully. I am glad that the schedule is going to be a normal one next week though. I don't want to wear Anne out.

Now I'm off to make a dessert for tonight. We are having friends over to play cards. It's some game that has a game within a game. I don't remember the name but I know its fun. What game within a game wouldn't be fun.

Here's a picture of Ainsley with Grandma Anne (as we are calling her). She did have a nicer outfit on when I dropped her off but she peed herself.