Rules are Meant to be Broken

I have a rule.  Don't cry at work.  I put it in place when I started working.  It shows weakness.  I've never really broken the rule before.

Today I'm breaking it.  I can't seem to stop crying at work. 

My nanny Anne who has watched Ainsley with an exception of a 2 month window since I started back to work, informed me that she can no longer watch her.  (And I can't even type that without crying - Dang).  Her reasons are valid and I know that she's as disappointed as I am.  She loves Ainsley like a granddaughter.

When Anne started watching Ainsley I never imagined I would grow so close to her.  She's like another mother to me and she's also one of the best friends I've ever had.  It is just an added bonus that she would watch Ainsley twice a week. 

It's more than just childcare to me. It's a relationship that started with her taking care of my child and has turned into one of my most valued relationships. It's about mentoring. It's about laughter. It's about fun. It's about learning things. It's about venting. It's about sharing. It's about faith.  It's about unconditional love.


And now my heart is broken.  I know that she's still one of my best friends and nothing can change that.  But things change when routine changes. 

And so I'm crying at work.  And somehow I just don't care about weakness anymore.