Thursday, June 28, 2012


So much of who I have been has been wrapped up in my job for the past 13 years.  When people ask me about myself, one of the first things I have always said is that I'm a computer programmer.  I write software.  My current company is functioning today because of the programs I have written for them.  It makes me feel smart and accomplished.

You see what is going on there.  PRIDE!  My identity is what I can do, how smart I am.

They just hired a new IT guy to work with me at my job.  It's one of the reasons I feel comfortable leaving now.  There is someone to take on the charge.  He was informed this morning about my resignation.  One of his comments to me was that I should keep doing some programming and not let my skills slip.  He said I knew too much to do that.

But there is a problem there.  While I think it is a good thing to have skills and to be accomplished, it's another thing to rest my identity there.  To say that is who I am.

So as I walk away from my job and my accomplishments and my skills, I am left having an identity crisis.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am doing what God has called me to do.  But I'm scared.  I'm moving into new territory. My identity is being ripped away.

But at the end of the day, God does not care that I know what an IF/ELSE statement should look like.  He doesn't care that I have been called an SQL guru.  He doesn't care about the millions of lines of code that I have written.  He cares about my heart.  He cares about my identity in Him.

My prayer is that my identity will become clearer.  That I can learn how to reset my view of myself.

Ask me who I am now.  My answer is changing.

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