I'm Retiring

Obviously you know that I just had a baby.  And you also know that I have a 4 year old (a couple days shy of!).  And you also know that I have a job that I work part time.

I have always said that I live in the best of both worlds.  I get to be a mom and I get to work in corporate America as a computer programmer and continue a career that I have built for the past 13 years.

I went back to work with a fair bit of ease after Ainsley was born.  The adjustment period wasn't that bad.  Frankly, I was bored at home and welcomed the distraction of a job to go to.  If you had an easy baby and can tell me that the newborn stage is not boring once you hit the 12 week mark, you are just lying.  Ainsley was easy and all she did was eat, sleep, and poop.  By the end of my maternity leave with her I was replacing light fixtures in my house.

Life went on and dropping her off with her nanny (who I just adored!) became the new normal.  Ainsley thrived under MaryBeth's care.  And my career continued to thrive.  Best of both worlds.

And then came David.  And with the birth of another baby came another maternity leave.  I welcomed the time at home.  The break from my job felt great.  But I thought of it just as that, a break.

About 10 weeks into my 12 week maternity leave God change my heart in pretty dramatic fashion.  Ryan and I had saved a bunch of money for my 12 weeks of unpaid leave.  It hit me, we hadn't touched it.  I started to look back at the previous 10 weeks.  I wasn't bored.  Actually, I was happier than I had been in a really long time.  I told a few of my closest friends about what I was thinking and they both told me that they had been praying that God would put this on my heart.

I went to a women's retreat with church that weekend.  The first thing out of our speaker's mouth was the title of her talk - When God Changes Your Life Plan.  That weekend solidified what was questionable in my head.  I was going to quit.  I didn't need time to think, I just needed time to wrap things up well.  I would go back and finish up in mid July.

Looking back, I realize that there is so much that I missed with Ainsley.  She's so fun to be around.  She has a great sense of humor and her imagination is priceless.  Taking her back and forth to preschool was a blessing.  I got to know her teachers and her friends.  The involvement in her daily life was just so much better than I could ever have imagined.  And now there was another little person that was going to grow up into more than just a baby.  Some day they will be teenagers and will need me more then ever as they learn to navigate this crazy world.  The choice started to become really clear in my head.

A good friend of mine pointed out to me that I wasn't living in the best of both worlds.  I was living in the pretty good of both worlds.  The best of both worlds isn't really possible. 

And that means retiring from Corporate America. It means putting a career aside that will be very difficult to re-enter.  It means quitting the job I have had for 6 years and a career that I have built for 13 years.  It means that technology will move and I will be left behind.  It's not just quitting.  It's retiring. 

And I can't wait.