Halloween Part 1

Here are pictures of Ainsley's Halloween outfit. Pictures of her in costume to be posted later

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for...

1. 7.5 ounces pumped before 7:00pm
2. The ExerSaucer courtesy of Aunt Jill



3. Cute baby clothes - Those are socks with a pattern of shoes, not actually shoes. That's a homemade sweater from a co-worker's Aunt.



4. A supportive husband
5. A new work schedule that allows me one more full day with Ainsley

By the way, it is such a good exercise to think of what you are thankful for weekly. It puts all the hard things into perspective.

Being a Mom can be Hard

WARNING...I am about to talk about breast feeding. Continue on at your own risk...

Before I even got pregnant, I was committed to breast feeding a baby for at least a year. I knew there would be difficulties but I was going to do it no matter what. I know that breast milk is best for the baby and it is also much cheaper. I was committed.

Today, I am questioning that commitment. I know this is just one of the difficulties that I will have to endure, but it's really hard this week. Let me start by saying that I have never had a huge supply of milk. I hear stories of people leaking. I am not one of those people. I have always had enough for Ainsley. Surplus is a dream, not a reality.

I have been back at work for 3 1/2 weeks now. I had arranged with my boss that while at work, I would pump twice. Everything was going fairly smooth until this week. Typically at work when I pump, I get at least 4 ounces. I also pump right before I go to bed. Usually another 4 ounces. That puts me even for the day.

Yesterday I struggled to get my 4 ounces at work, but I did it. I pumped before I went to bed and only got 2 ounces. I was down 2 ounces. My freezer only has about 3 days surplus so I can't afford to go down. I decided that I would get up at 1:45 to pump again. I did it. And then I was up again at 4:30 with Ainsley.

Today I struggled even more. My first pump I got 3 1/2 ounces. The second only 3. I called the Women's Hospital. They told me that I am doing everything right and to just keep feeding her alot and pumping alot. They said to try pumping after I feed her. I got home today and thought I would give this a shot. I had my bottles on the coffee table attached to the pump on the floor. My dog, Tucker, ran by and knocked one over. I only lost a tiny bit but my heart broke. I work so hard for each and every drop.

So here it is 7:30 and Ainsley is down for the night. I am down 5.5 ounces. I will pump at least 2 more times tonight. I can only pray that I will get enough to be even by the time I wake up and start it all over again tomorrow.

Do any moms out there have any suggestions or words of encouragement? I could sure use them.

Update on Omar

I want to thank all of you who have been praying for Omar. Surgery went well. He had to stay in the hospital for 2 days but is "home" now. He is actually staying with an older Iraqi couple that he hangs out with regularly. They have welcomed him into their home.

We have had a few people provide meals for him while he is recovering. For those of you who have done this, thank you so much. His recovery is going to be slow. Right now, his perspective is that he should feel no pain when he takes pain medication. For those of you who have had surgery or had an injury like this, you know that just isn't true. Pain medication is meant to make the pain bearable. This has been a hard concept for him. It will be interesting to see what happens when the pain medication runs out.

We are trying to help Omar learn from this situation. I spent some time trying to explain that when people say things that are not true about you it is sometimes best to walk away. He stated that the people told him that he wasn't a man and that hurt him. I tried to explain the "walk away" strategy again. The whole concept is completely lost on him. We believe that is due to culture and his thick skull combined.

I ask you to continue to pray for him and his recovery. Most importantly, pray that he will get to know the Great Physician in which many of us trust.

Congrats to Ms. MaryBeth

I can finally say it. Ainsley's other nanny, Ms. MaryBeth, is pregnant with her second child. She is due June 6th. We are very excited for her.

She announced her pregnancy in church on Sunday, so I am now safe to talk about it here. It's been tough not to mention it because it has had some affect on our child care situation. She was very very sick in the first few weeks. During that time, Grandma Anne stepped in and took over. It seems the major sickness has passed now. Ainsley is very happy to be spending her Mondays and Tuesdays with her and her son Robbie.

Ryan, Ainsley, and I just wanted to publicly take this space to say...

CONGRATS MARYBETH, ROB, ROBBIE, AND BABY!

Cloth Diaper Update

I have been doing the cloth diapers for a week now. I only have 4 so she isn't in them all the time. We usually do 2 a day and then use compostable disposable diapers the rest of the time (which work great and don't kill the environment). So far, it has been pretty easy. I just throw them in the wash with all the stuff in them and they come out spotless again. I was shocked the first time.

I have bought 3 more diapers off of Ebay. I am looking forward to when they get here. I won't have to do the laundry quite so much once I have more. I can see how buying these diapers would become addictive.

My only beef with the whole thing is that they are bulky. My girl is already big on the bottom with lots of rolls and this makes it worse. I am going to have to pull out some of the 6-9 month pants for her to wear when she has the diapers on. It's not a huge issue, just something that is a little annoying.

Overall, we are happy with the process. Ainsley is still enjoying them as well. She still laughs at me when I put them on her. It's just too cute. I'll be sticking it out for awhile longer. I'll let you know if my opinion changes after time.

Our Other Child

Since November of last year, Ryan and I have been working with a Iraqi refugee named Omar. I have to admit, it's about 90% Ryan and 10% me. He has a very tragic story that will absolutely break your heart. We have adopted him as our "son". We have recruited Ryan's family to step along side him with us. This really has been a "village" effort. Omar has been quite a challenge.

He came here in the early fall of last year and we got hooked up with him through the ESL classes at our church. Ryan has been a regular participant in that ministry. The relationship started because Omar just needed a friend. It has grown into so much more. We call him our other child.

He is a 28 year old man who has the maturity of a 16 year old boy. This is in part due to his tragic story. He left home as a refugee when he was 17 years old and has been on his own ever since. Many of the issues that we have dealt with have been maturity issues. He doesn't understand a budget, he doesn't want to go to work, he doesn't understand bills, etc. Our biggest struggle has been his abuse of alcohol. I know that he abuses alcohol as a way to shelter his feelings of loneliness, fear, and tragedy, not that this is an excuse. We are hopeful that he will seek treatment for this disease in the near future.

This past Saturday, Omar was at a coffee shop and got beat up really badly. It was a 4 on 1 conflict, Omar being the 1. His aggressors beat him up with a pool stick. They were aiming for his head but Omar blocked it with his arm. The result was a very badly broken arm. He is recovering from surgery right now.

I write all this for one reason. I need those of you who are believers in the Great Physician to pray for Omar. He needs not only physical healing but emotional and spiritual as well. Pray for us to give Godly counsel. Pray that we would have the words to say when there are no words. Pray that Christ's love will be shown to him in more ways than we can ever imagine.

Call Me Crazy

Ryan and I have always lived somewhat "green". I think I have gone over the edge now. We went to the store yesterday and purchased 4 cloth diapers. Ryan brought this up when we were pregnant and I flat out refused him. I thought that was too far on the environmentally friendly scale.

Don't ask what changed my mind. I have no idea. Yesterday, without any prompting from Ryan, I asked to go to the baby boutique that sells cloth diapers. We went, and I purchased 4 diapers.

I have to say, these are not the cloth diapers that we were in as children. These are so different and they make it so easy. I bought 2 different kinds so that I can try them out to see how I like them. One kind is what is called an all in one diaper. This is a diaper that has the plastic outer with velcro and its lined with fleece. It's a one size fits all diaper that will grow with her. The other is a hemp diaper that is super soft. You cover that with a plastic pant. These plastic pants are not what we wore. They are soft and cozy. They breath so that she's not all sweaty.

This morning, after Ainsley woke up, I put her in the all in one diaper. It was hysterical. I put it on her and she just laughed. I really think she liked the feel of the fleece on her bottom. Not 45 minutes in, she pooed in it. Figures the first one we use and she poos. Oh well. Surprisingly, it didn't bother me at all. I rinsed it out and we were on our way to church (She wore a disposable to church because I'm just not that brave yet).

So here is a picture of my new "green" baby. Am I crazy?

I Love My Husband

There are many reasons that I love my husband. Today, I need to think about all of them and let him know them. It's his 33rd Birthday. Here are just a few:

1. His passions in life. He does nothing halfway. He is someone who has strong convictions and rarely strays from them.
2. His love of Jesus.
3. His love for his whole family. That includes not only Ainsley and I but his entire family and my entire family.
4. His pursuit of people. He is constantly connecting with people he cares about. He may not like to talk to me on the phone but he loves to talk to his friends and his family.
5. His hair and beautiful smile.
6. His twisted sense of humor that sometimes only I get
7. His intelligence
8. His devotion to our marriage
9. His ability to beat me at cards everytime even though he never remembers the rules
10. The fact that he finally put the lawn mowing clothes in the wash! (I won)

So, Happy Birthday Ryan. Here's to many more Birthdays to celebrate together. I'm glad you were born. I love you with all my heart.

So Much for Public Humiliation

Remember this. Apparently public humiliation does nothing. The stinky, dirty, nasty clothes remain on my front porch.


Ryan came home that night and told me he thought my post was funny. Do you think that made him move them? Nope. His comment..."My parents always told me to stand up to peer pressure." What?!?!?!?! Are you kidding me?

My response comes in the form of a quote from one of the great heroes in my life. "Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen." - Martin Luther

Who do you think will win?

Sick Baby

Ainsley is sick for the first time. It's so sad. She has major nose congestion and a low grade fever. She's been sick since Sunday afternoon. It's breaking my mommy heart. I have always heard people say that but now I get it. I don't think Ryan feels the same way. It's something about being the mom I think.

Fortunately, she is a very good sick baby. She doesn't fuss too much. I was expecting a really hard couple days. She is sleepier than usual and is waking up in a pile of drool. Otherwise, she is one happy baby.

This is my best friend now:

What a Cutie?

Just thought I would post a few pictures of how cute Ainsley is getting.

On the way to church wearing Aunt Wendy's favorite outfit


Ready for a trip to the park with an adorable hat on. Check out the chunky legs.

Laughing at Daddy right after he gets home from work. It's her favorite time of the day.

Just too adorable not to post

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for:

1. Being able to wear my diamond ring again. I'll be really thankful when the wedding band fits
2. A great first week with MaryBeth for Ainsley
3. My Heavenly Lullabies CD
4. Unclogged milk ducts
5. 2 Adorable pugs that get ignored and still love us.

Lawn Mowing Clothes

Let me start by saying that I hate to mow the grass. Ryan does it regularly despite the fact that he hates it too. I appreciate him for this.


Unfortunately, everytime he mows the grass, he takes his shirt and socks off on the front porch. He leaves them along with his sneakers there. I don't know if he thinks that some fairy is coming to get them and put them in the laundry. I have mentioned these clothes to him more than once. They look tacky on the front porch. People come in that way and as they wait for us to come to the door, there are these dirty stinky clothes staring at him. Frankly its disgusting.


But, I am not a slave. I am a mother, but not his mother. He already has a wonderful mother of his own. So they will continue to sit there until someone else moves them. This is my protest. If you come to my house, ignore the pile. It's not mine.

Exhausted

I am totally wiped. Ainsley has been getting up more in the night than her usual 1 time. Two nights ago it was 3 times and last night was twice. On top of that, I have a clogged milk duct which is killing me. The best way that I can describe it is someone hit me in the tata with a baseball bat. Needless to say, I am tired of that.

Last night Ainsley was having a hard time before bed, I was tired, and Ryan was at the hospital with his grandmother. Ainsley was crying, I was crying. It was a mess. I called Ryan in hysterics and asked him to come home. What a mess.

So my tata still is killing me and I'm off to take a nap. Here's hoping the advil will work.

Up the Back

This afternoon we were at our friends, Jason and Leah, house. Leah is pregnant with their first child due on November 18. They are starting to get all the gear put up in their house. One of the first things they put together was their swing. While we were over there, they told us we could put Ainsley in it. They also offered to let Ainsley sleep in the crib. I know that Ainsley drools alot while she sleeps so I declined the offer for the crib. We had our pack and play with us anyway. I did take them up on the offer for the swing. She was so happy and content in the swing. She enjoyed looking at the mobile above. I picked her up because she was starting to get fussy. One of our friends from across the room said, "What is that on her back?" I turned her around to take a look and there it was. Poop all the way up her back. She had pooped in their new swing. I felt horrible. I was so worried about the crib, I forgot to worry about the swing. I should have known. Ainsley didn't poop yesterday so we were bound for a big one today. When we changed her diaper, it was up to her shoulder blades. Enjoyable. The good news is that the swing seems to have made it through the mishap. I still feel horrible but I guess we are letting them in on the things that are to come.

TGIF

I am back in the world where Friday makes a difference. Through my maternity leave, I didn't ever know what day it was. Today it mattered. I made it through my first week of work.

I am very glad to be back at work. I forgot how much I enjoy programming. I know I'm a nerd but I am who I am. Being that I am only working part time, I do feel like I need to get a ton done while I am there. I have been very tied to my desk this week (minus my pumping sessions which I already hate). My brain is taking a bit to remember how I do what I do but its getting there. I guess by mid next week, I will be going a hundred miles an hour again in a hundred different directions.

As I picked up Ainsley today, I was again overwhelmed by how good my situation is. Anne has been great this week. She took over for MaryBeth so wonderfully. I am glad that the schedule is going to be a normal one next week though. I don't want to wear Anne out.

Now I'm off to make a dessert for tonight. We are having friends over to play cards. It's some game that has a game within a game. I don't remember the name but I know its fun. What game within a game wouldn't be fun.

Here's a picture of Ainsley with Grandma Anne (as we are calling her). She did have a nicer outfit on when I dropped her off but she peed herself.

Thankful Thursday

I am hijacking this idea from some of my blogger friends.

Today I am thankful for:
1. Finding my way to Anne's house successfully without turning around
2. A job that is flexible with me as I adjust to motherhood
3. An electric breast pump after having to use the hand one last night
4. A 50 ft cable that allows me to watch shows on my TIVO in my bonus room. This is mainly for my Fit Channel workouts since there is much more room in my bonus room.
5. Toothless baby smiles

I'm Losing It

I have been back at work for 3 days now and I think my brain is taking too long to defreeze

The first day, Ainsley was at my house with Deb. Since then, she has been at Anne's house. Everyone must know that my sense of direction is horrible. I once took over an hour to drive to the next town over with my sister Jill while trying to drive to my other sister's college in NY. I bring this up because I have been having some trouble getting to Anne's house to pick up Ainsley. Ryan is dropping her off in the morning and I know how to get there from my house. Getting there from work is causing quite the problem. Yesterday I drove downtown trying to get there. Not quite the direction I was supposed to go in. I told this to Anne and she said I should take the new loop. Having never been on it before, I asked for directions. She said to take the first exit so I did without reading the sign. I headed East when I should have headed West. I was 10 minutes out of the way before there was a place to turn around

Along with these direction problems, I am forgetting stuff. The first day I made a sandwich to eat on my way home (I know I was trying to be thoughtful). I left it in the fridge at work. It was ok though, I ate it the second day on my way home. Today I left work without my cell phone and without my breast pump (including what I pumped today). Thanks to my friend Lori, the milk is in the fridge and my phone has been turned to vibrate.

Tomorrow I hope to make it to Anne's house without getting lost. I also hope to bring home everything I should. I doubt it will happen though. My brain still is defrosting.