Tuesday, March 30, 2010

End of an Era

As most of you know, I am a huge advocate of breastfeeding.  I particularly love when women do it for the long haul.  There is such a bond that happens between mother and child.  It's not easy but it's worth it.

I always knew that I would breastfeed a child as long as possible.  My decision was solidified when I met Ainsley and experienced it for the first time.  What an amazing system God created.  It's something that only she and I shared. 

I never felt weird about it. I never listened when people in my life told me to stop. I just did what I knew was right for Ainsley and me.

And now it's over.  And I'm sad. 

I stopped for one reason.  My health.  I recently had blood work done and my iron is really low.  Ryan and I talked about it and we decided that breastfeeding was just putting too much of a strain on my body.  It feels selfish.  It feels like I'm chosing myself over my child and it feels wrong.  I know in my head it's the right decision but my heart is aching.  So much of my identity as a mother is wrapped up into breastfeeding.  I don't expect others to understand this but it's how I feel.

So now I must find a new way to bond with my child.  We have had lots of cuddle time and lots of stories.  The transition hasn't been easy but we are making it. 

But I'm still sad.  And so is Ainsley.  But here we are making the best of it!

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