Release

I've been listening to Christian radio in the mornings on my way to work.  Now that Ainsley is old enough to remember songs and understand what people are saying, I feel it's necessary to make sure that she hears wholesome truth.

Since New Years they have been talking about picking a word for the year, something that describes what you want your year to encompass.

So this year I am choosing the word RELEASE.

My whole life I have struggled with releasing my plans and trusting in God's plan.  This has become particularly apparent since the miscarriage.  I had this plan of what our family was supposed to look like.  I wanted 2 kids less than 3 years apart.  And when I got pregnant back in October I knew that God had signed on to my plan.  My children were going to be exactly 3 years apart.  Perfect.

Then we lost the baby.  And one of the hardest things for me has been letting go of the plan.  The ideal.  It's gone.  And with each day that passes, it gets further away from my plan.  And I have been thinking about it like that for 2 months now.

Then in Sunday school at church this week we were talking about idols.  And how we can take a healthy desire and move it into a demand.  And that is what I have done.  I've been mad that my plan is ruined.  And it has made me a bitter and inpatient woman.  I am much shorter with my husband and little girl.  I'm not happy.  I'm just not in a good place.  It's like a glorified temper tantrum because I didn't get what I want.

And so this morning they were talking about the words for the year again.  Prior to today I had no real thought of actually picking a word for myself.  And then God gave me one.  It was crystal clear.  And I can't get it out of my head.

RELEASE.

And so my prayer for the year is that He will grow me in a way that I can learn to release my desires to Him and that He can show me His desires for my life.  I want to think that with each day that passes I am further on His plan.  I can't wait to see how He uses this word in my life over the next year.

 Isaiah 55:8-9

 ⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”
            declares the LORD.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts.