Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I Already Miss Her

Today is a big day.  Ainsley is almost 19 months old and I am about to leave her overnight for the first time.  I am traveling to West Palm Beach for a work convention and won't be back until Friday. 

I know it sounds silly that I have never left her overnight before now.  One of the main reasons is that I am still breastfeeding.  It's a choice that I have made for her health and mine, not to mention our relationship.  There is just something so special and loving about it.  So this week, she will wake up for the first time without me.  I know she will do fine.  My question is will I? 

I am choosing to pump through the week to keep my milk supply up.  I am very nervous about when I return.  Will she still want me?  I know it sounds silly, but so much of my identity as a mother is wrapped up in this part of mothering.  It's something that she can get from only me.  It's a part of me that I can give her wholeheartedly.  I am not ready to give it up and I don't think she is either. 

On top of that, there is the fact that I will just out right miss her.  I think back to when she wasn't here yet and I can't even do it.  I don't even remember what it's like. 

So I ask my fellow readers to pray for all of us this week.  Pray for Ainsley as she will be without me.  Pray for Ryan as he manages the house and cares for Ainsley.  Pray for me as I go through separation anxiety. 

Now I am going to leave you with a few pictures because I will want to look at them while I am gone.


  1. Boy do I know this feeling and I'm praying for you although this is the first time I've *met* you because I've been there before and it's hard, but it makes the coming home even better than you could imagine! Safe travels and lots of prayers and HIGH FIVES for 19 months of bfing!!! WOOHOO!!! That's seriously awesome!

  2. Such a pretty little girl. She will be fine and you will be fine. Missing makes it even better when you're reunited.


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